Thursday, January 21, 2010

Manic Deorganization

I'm not a manic depressive person. However, at the beginning of a new year I am manic de-organized. I have a myriad of ideas floating through my head; crafts to make, poems and stories to write and/or edit...but I can't see the top of my crafting table or my computer desk and laundry appears to keep piling up. Not to mention that for some reason I'm always being asked, "What's for dinner?" I keep thinking that the clutter in my workspace and a few select corners of my home represent a certain level of disorder and chaos...clutter in my mind as well. To avoid it...yeah, there's that word...avoid...I use my netbook in the living room while I sit in front of the television listening to Conan O'brien.

I am not a Conan fan. If I had to choose, I'd choose Leno. I thought having Leno on at 10:00 PM every weeknight was a horrible idea and an insult to the new Tonight Show host. Really, what was different? Jay was still airing before Conan. It was like having The Tonight Show before The Tonight Show; a sandwich with the local news spread in between. Sure, I've watched one or two episodes, but late-night talk isn't my thing. I've been watching Conan out of support because I think he's getting screwed. I'm not extremely fond of him, he rarely actually makes me laugh...but I think this whole situation with NBC and late-night is ludicrous. Then again, I wonder why I even care, why I invest my time and energy into the topic since it ain't my thing and I rarely pay any attention to it in the first place. Isn't that just a waste of time?

Just gotta get my two cents in, I guess.

I have far too many places to be. Twitter, Facebook, Writing Dot Com, two blogs and the Journaling Lounge. I'm trying to merge things where I can, but I sometimes feel as though I'm always failing somewhere. I have writing I want to do, but can't find the time to do. Or, it quite possibly can simply be that inner critic whispering in my ear and telling me that I can't write...w-e-l-l. I'm not as good as other writers. I'm not interesting, funny or poetic. No one wants to read it. I need to lock that little demon in a drawer; learn to say "No!", or some other popular line such as "If I wanted your opinion I'd give it to you." LOL. As much as some people praise my writing, there are often times when I'm stuck in a drought and I can't find the words to write. And I don't get any organizing done either. The clutter is still there.

So here I am, working through my manic de-organization and trying to keep m' ideas close at hand. Planting the seeds, watering them and giving them some room to grow before I fertilize the roots and wait for the blooms to blossom so I can pluck them right out of the ground....preferably before midnight. I'm so easily sidetracked by the pile of papers on top of my computer desk, the file folders that need to be emptied and packed away to make room for a new collection of paper and a long list of other tasks that by the end of the day I'm exhausted and barely able to keep my eyes open. Every day is a new day least that's what I keep telling myself. I've been spending more time reading blogs and other things.

another quiet distraction...avoidance technique....

I tend to avoid reading since it seems like a waste of time. I should be writing, not reading, but then I realize how inspired reading makes me feel. Reading feeds me and I'm hungry.

With that being said, it's time for sleep. My body and my mind need rest so I can rise to some nasty weather, but a beautiful day full of opportunities just waiting for me to embrace them.

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