For many years it was all I wanted. I longed for it. I wondered why I didn't have it. What was wrong with me? I heard I would have it if I deserved it. Someone once told me that he thought I was afraid to be it. I kept waiting for someone else to give it to me. Eventually I discovered I didn't actually know what it meant.
For most of my life I had an irrational and sky rocketing high expectation of what happiness was supposed to feel like.
Think perky Katie Couric 24/7/365.
I have since chosen to keep a Gratitude & Acknowledgments Journal. I have learned to define happiness as the stringing together of joY-full moments. I began to consider what brings me joY and allowed myself to experience it, embrace it and acknowledge it. Now there are many things in my day-to-day life that bring me joY; the foremost being playing with my creativity. I have learned that making cards, gifts, journals, altered books, collages and experimenting with color, paint and photography brings me great joY and releases me to relax and greet the rest of my day with positive energy. I am no longer waiting for someone else to make me happy. I'm not happy simply because I deserve to be. I am happy because I have discovered the value of giving myself play time. Through reading, experimenting and creating I have found a deep level of happiness. Playing with my creativity brings me a joY-full purpose that oozes out onto other areas of my life. You know what they say? "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Giving myself permission to take time to be creative and get dirty has helped me to see blessings I was once unable to recognize.
Besides, I mean really...why should kids have all the fun?