Friday, May 21, 2010

Fear + Inspiration = Courage

I have fear. I mean, I have fears. Lots of them. Most of them completely irrational and ridiculous. I once made a list of all my fears. You can find them here: "233 Fears, and counting....What are you afraid of?". What do you think? As you can see, I'm pretty much afraid of everything. Even I cannot help but shake my head and giggle when I review it. However, I have taken some small steps towards walking through my fears and discovering that things are not as bad as I sometimes think they are.

Maybe I should just stop thinking, eh?

Some of my walks are in part due to my recent memberships with Twitter, The Journaling Lounge and Owning Pink. They began as walks themselves in an attempt to put myself out there. Over time I have come to realize that everyone has fear of one thing or another. Everyone has doubts. Everyone faces their own challenges...but, unlike me, it appears that more often than not they are owning their fears and walking through their fears to realize their dreams, their goals and their lives. I don't simply have fears; I latch on and hold on to them for dear life like a child with a new toy they refuse to share. Much worse is the fact that I use them to define myself. At the same time, social networking has me feeling incredibly inspired and touched with a dash of courage.

I say "I can't" a lot, but it isn't that I can't. It's that I haven't figured out how to comfortably walk through the fear so I can. Often I am so inspired by the women I've met through social networking that I've begun to consider things I've refused to consider in the past...finding a tennis group to join, or taking an exercise class, lessons or workshop of some kind. You see, I don't do groups. I don't attend events with strangers among us (I did recently sign up and take a photography workshop though *Smile*). Since all of my local friends have moved out of state over the years I have found myself completely alone and without a support system. Being out of the workforce and home with my daughter, she was in kindergarten before I realized that I hadn't developed any new friendships. I have a few acquaintances with whom I share little in common, but no real friends I socialize with. I've been thinking that if I want to meet people who like what I like...then I need to go out and do what I like.

That being said, yesterday we received our local park's recreation catalog in the mail. I noticed a weekly Zumba class being offered at the community center. Hmmm. Maybe I should take the plunge and try that. It looks like fun and I could use the exercise. So, today I am trying to convince myself to send in the registration form and wondering if I should ease into the whole group thing with something that doesn't require me to shake my booty in front of strangers. *Smile* The same instructor is also certified and offering a yoga class twice a week. Maybe I'll take a full plunge into my pool of fear and commit to both; telling myself what we would tell my daughter when she was potty training....

Reeeelaaaaax and Reeeeleeeeease.

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