Friday, June 4, 2010

Stepping Out of the Box

Here I sit in my studio, window open, whole house fan on, a lovely 68 degrees outside with clouds rolling in and out leaving behind a light shower of rain here and there. I put the laundry waiting in the washer and dryer on hold while I worked up a sweat. I have been swimming in a vat of acknowledgment and pride for my recent dip into the pool of fear the last couple of days.

It was Wednesday morning and I was feeling excited and anxious to try the Zumba class that would be taking place that evening. I'd heard a lot about it through Kim Jenkins (a.k.a. @GratefulKim) on Twitter. It looked like a lot of fun and I wanted to try it. As a rule I don't do groups, particularly groups filled with strangers. However, I think opening up to groups of strangers online has given me the opportunity to take that first step towards developing enough faith in myself to trust that I can do it.

I hadn't pre-registered for the class and wanted to make contact with the instructor. A quick internet search brought her face front and center as I browsed her website. I jotted her an email inquiring about crashing the class and noted that I was a bit nervous. She, of course, welcomed me with open arms.

I left my husband and daughter with a kiss and made my way to the class. I walked ever so slowly up to the open door, taking deep breaths and assuring myself that I could do this.

And I did!

Much to my delight, it was a small class. Only nine other women of various ages arrived to partake in the experience and it was the first time for the majority of us. The instructor asked, as I walked in, "Are you the one who emailed me?"

A little over ten minutes in I was wondering if I'd make it. I'm so out of shape and in need of shedding 35-45 pounds. My muscles were already feeling it and I thought, how am I going to do this for another 45 minutes? Surprisingly I managed without feeling like I had to push myself too hard. The next morning my thighs would have something else to say. Surprisingly I wasn't concerned about messing up the steps or movements. Surprisingly I wasn't concerned about whether the other women were watching me--although I did stay in the last row towards the back of the room. One step at a time. :) I did mess up. Of course the person next to me saw that I was a little off track, but for whatever reason, it didn't fill me with anxiety or embarrassment or worry or thoughts of never going back again because I wasn't good at it. Surprisingly I felt quite comfortable, capable and any thoughts of being seen as incompetent had vanished. It was incredibly fun and I am greatly looking forward to next week.

On the way out the instructor thanked me for my bravery and attendance. I couldn't wait to tweet Kim back..."I'm hot. I'm sweaty. I think I'm in love." LOL.

I have often thought that I hadn't come as far as I had hoped. I have often thought that the work I did in Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten simply made me more conscious of my fear and more debilitated by it. I'm not thinking that now. I don't know if I knocked an entire wall down, but at the very least I have punched a much bigger hole into one.

Surprisingly I'm looking for another new group activity to try.

joY & gratitude abundant~

1 comment:

  1. [...] have shared my Zumba experience here at Syda’s Siftings a number of times since my induction last summer.  I’ve shared the stories about the mirrors I was certain would crack and crash to the floor [...]


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