Sunday, June 27, 2010

when sYda was stuck

I have a confession to make….I’m a book buyer.  Yep, a book b-u-y-e-r.  It drives my husband batty.  I fully intend on reading every book I purchase, but that doesn’t always happen in a timely manner particularly since I often buy several books at a time and can’t decide which one to read first.   I’ve always dreamt of having a home library and I have diligently been working on that dream over the past fifteen years.

After purchasing a stack of books I sometimes discover that I’m not ready for the book whose sample read seemed so serendipitous at the store.  Sometimes I find that my mind is not open to the concepts, ideas and possibilities contained within the book.  Sometimes I’m in such denial that I decide that I do not need the book after all.  Then, finally, sometimes the book just isn’t a good book.

Several years ago I purchased a book titled if the Buddha got stuck by Charlotte Kasl, Ph. D.  It has resided on my book shelf collecting dust, snuggling a bookmark that clearly notes where I had stopped reading.  I picked it up today and decided that it was time to give it a fair shake and nibble on the thoughts embraced between its cover.

Initially I was disappointed to find how stuck I appeared to unknowingly be after reading about the traits of people who are stuck.  Then I read about the traits of unstuck people and was relieved to recognize some of them in myself.  Even further on in my reading I was delighted to discover that I’m not as stuck as I thought I was…I’m floundering.  What is the difference you ask?  Let me tell you.  Page 22-23 of if the Buddha got stuck reads,
“…if you were rationalizing your unhappiness and saying there was nothing you could do….you’d be stuck….a willingness to know and feel unhappiness and to be casting about for something better is a mark of unstuck thinking.”

Woot! Woot!  I’m not rationalizing my unhappiness.  In fact, while I was at one time admittedly miserable in my life I no longer choose that way of living.  I have discovered joY by learning to recognize joy-FULL moments.  I have learned that “Thoughts become things” from Mike Dooley who writes Notes from the Universe and can be found at Totally Unique Thoughts dot com.  I am choosing to be happy with most aspects of my life.  I won’t lie to you.  My life is not everything I would like it to be.  I still carry around a few old resentments and issues from a multitude of mishaps, losses and abuses.  However, I know that the possibilities are endless and I have choices.  I may not know exactly what I want, or how to achieve it; but I have learned over the years what it is I do not want.

The biggest challenge for me, I think, is giving myself enough credit.   I spent so many years in denial, caught up in a flood of self-pity, desperate and believing that I was not okay that I now have a difficult time acknowledging how far I’ve come.

You’ve come a long way, Baby! 

I’m beginning to think that it is not so much that I am stuck, trapped in between the crevice of a rock and a hard place.  I’m beginning to think that I simply do not give myself enough credit.  I experienced a lot of trauma as a child and spent a lot of time and energy trying to escape the memory of them while I attempted to leave the past behind.  Little did I know that it wasn’t going to work until I learned the lessons and found the blessings.

Yes, blessings.

Every experience holds a beautifully wrapped gift that presents itself to you when it is ready to be received.  Sometimes it isn’t what you think you want; but it’s always what you need.  My own personal experiences have blessed me with resilience, strength, resourcefulness, creativity and given me the ability to persevere and know that I can get through difficult times.   Life is an adventure…

get yer walkin’ stick.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Pulling Threads :: The Boarder

Sometime between elementary and my middle-school-age years we had a boarder. The Colton's lived down the street. Mrs. Colton would s...