I have shared my Zumba experience here at Syda's Siftings a number of times since my induction last summer. I've shared the stories about the mirrors I was certain would crack and crash to the floor upon the reflection of my fat ass attempting to groove to the sounds of "world" music. In case you are wondering, that has never actually happened anywhere but in my head. :)
What did happen was a mental shift. It wasn't a landslide, but an erosion of the muddy landscape I was suffocating under. My confidence and sense of worth began to rise. Physically, while I had not shed truck loads of weight, I was noticing changes in my body's composition. As a result, I began to walk a little taller, straighter and with more purpose.
Somehow I got lost.
Over the holiday season my attendance became sporadic, at best.
Well, you were...um...er, busy.
I did get busy. I had started a new business and had begun to work through the kinks, getting organized and outlining what I want it to do. I have a family and pets. I have a workaholic husband. I manage a household and have a to-do-list three miles long. It became incredibly easy to put off going to Zumba. It became easy to put off self-care.
But why? And at what cost?
I can't speak for everyone. I don't know what the answer is to the obesity problem. I do know a lot of finger-pointing is taking place. I do not believe that any one person, industry or thing is responsible. While many are busy looking for someone or something to blame, I am often left wondering where personal choice and accountability fit in.
It appears that our societal view still insists that if you put yourself first, you're being selfish. Yet how are we, as mothers in particular, to teach our children to value and take care of themselves if we do not? The only way to change the societal view is to change our own. To manage our time in a way that we take care of ourselves, live what we know to be true and behave in a way that models that truth for others. It is important to manage our time in a way that serves us, for we cannot serve others if we are feeling depleted and defeated.
For me the answer lies in developing self-worth, esteem, value and confidence. For me it lies in learning to make healthy choices and doing what I know is good for me both mentally and physically. I did not grow up in a home that fostered these things. I did not grow up with a mother who took care of herself. We live what we learn, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to live differently.
Now the choice is mine.
For the past two months or more I have placed other things above me; business tasks, family chores, cooking dinner. Another mental shift had taken place. In my bubble of avoidance and denial about the impact Zumba had on my day-to-day life I'd lost my energy. I lacked purpose, had begun to slouch again, waddle instead of walk and slump down on the sofa. Physically I gained almost ten pounds feeding my disappointment. The price I was paying was too high. I returned to Zumba last week.
And. it. felt. w-o-n-d-e-r-FILLED!
All it takes is one thing. Change one thing and you can change your life and the lives around you. Inevitably that one thing will lead you to another, and another, and another. One healthy choice lends itself to the making of another healthy choice.
Today I choose Zumba.