Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sunday Sifting: Stuffed

I was sitting on the patio this morning; pen in hand, cuppa coffee nearby enjoying the quiet of the neighborhood on a Sunday morning. It was already getting warm, but sitting in the morning sun with nothing other than the sounds of birds tweeting and chirping…I could think.

There’s a lot of stuff in our lives.

I know there’s a lot of stuff in my life.

There’s the stuff that feels soothing to my touch. There’s the stuff that tastes sweet on my tongue. There’s the stuff that brings beauty into my world and laughter into my days. There’s the stuff that reminds me that I am loved. There’s the stuff that I dream of, hope for and desire. There’s the stuff that frustrates me, annoys me and tires me. There’s the stuff that relaxes, rests and empowers me.

Yes. There is a lot of stuff that make up our lives.

There’s the stuff that brings joy, ignites passion, inspires and offers an overall sense of peace, health and balance. Sadly, this stuff is often demoted and put on the bottom of my list of priorities beneath bushels of fear, self-doubt and general procrastination while I tinker with a never-ending-list-of-to-do-stuff.

Why do I do that? Am I buried in overwhelm? Procrastinating? Hiding?

Perhaps the answer is D) all of the above.

Stuff fills my day and resides on my to-do list. Some stuff is typical; some stuff is not, while other stuff was never on the list at all, such as when the car decided to break down 1800 miles from home. Sometimes an idea or project comes to mind unexpectedly and put at the top of the list. I perhaps have mentioned that I’m a little obsessive-compulsive…or is that compulsive-obsessive? :)

Over the summer I had one of those unexpected ideas hit me and I couldn’t let it go. I had a compulsion. I obsessed over this idea until I finally put the idea to work. Doing so required more purging and reorganizing of stuff. Stuff had spilled over into other spaces. I was meandering through a physical mess all the while knowing that in doing so I was neglecting other areas of life and work. This led to an increasing sense of guilt, resistance and further procrastination. Before I knew it, there was nothing listed in my Etsy Shop, I’d forgotten what my website even looked like and my studio was a mess, laundry was piling up, my husband was running to the drive thru for takeout. I opened my journal one evening to find that I’d used only 40-some-odd pages in over a year. What the hell?

Trying to do too many things and make too many things had left me feeling as though I were six feet under and suffocating. I decided to start using the time my daughter was home for summer break more effectively. I recommitted myself to journaling more regularly and began creating a schedule. I let go of things that were creating too much distraction for me. I decided to limit the types of items I offer in my Etsy Shop to the things I really, really enjoy making and creating. I acknowledged that I hold back in fear because I don’t believe I am offering enough; do enough, am enough…

Enough! Enough! Enough!

Today as I sat on the patio, pen in hand sipping my morning cuppa, I thought about what I’ve said I’d do and all the starts and stops I’ve made. I considered all the stuff that feeds my resistance and procrastination. I’ve been focused on quantity, rather than quality. I’ve beat myself up for not blogging, tweeting, sharing, writing, and engaging every day rather than focusing on consistency. Now that the school year has begun, I am giving myself permission to do fewer things, focus more on what I enjoy creating and sharing the process regularly.

Today I am allowing myself to acknowledge that what I am, have and do is….enough.

1 comment:

  1. A few years ago, I made the choice to say "no" to more things. Actually to lots of things. I'm soooo happy that I did. Because now more of my time is spent doing things that I enjoy.


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