Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Hello. Have We Met?

Random dribble from a blank page.

I really wonder some days who the hell I am. My mind is blank when it comes to words of wisdom. Figuring out what I've learned from various experiences can be difficult. Putting those lessons into words--even more difficult.

The questions are sometimes hard to answer. The questions are sometimes harder to find and ask. Never mind the answers. I used to say "It doesn't matter what the questions are. You have all the answers." Lately I've been feeling as though I am trying to answer all the wrong questions.

Perhaps I need to practice more meditation....ah, who am I kidding? I need to meditate. At the very least I need to spend more time in quiet with my self; reading and writing so I can hear the questions and allow the answers to float to the surface where I can grasp them, feel them and acknowledge them before releasing them to the Universe.

I do know that I am often not the person I want to be. I can feel it. At the same time I don't know if I could accurately define or describe the person I do wish to be. I mean I could, but Ms. F. Quibbler clouds my thoughts with doubt. As soon as I try to give myself permissioin to dream, to claim my desire or wish, she pops in and tells me that I can't do that, or be that or have that. She constantly reminds me of my fear, my inexperience, my inconsistencies. Most of all she enjoys reminding me of how unworthy she thinks I am.

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