I've been wallowing in the dark places lately. Once you're in it, it's hard to get out of it. You fight against the flow and try to swim against the current. It takes a while to realize that until you relax and let yourself float on the surface, to just go with the flow, you're not going to get out of it. You'll just drown.
I was home alone yesterday when I had a panic attack. Pacing through the house like a caged animal who couldn't find it's way out. Looking out the window and knowing there was a whole world full of life and people beyond my view, but I had no where to go and was too afraid to leave.
Then I felt her. She told me to stop. "You're having a panic attack." She placed her hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Breathe."